Year: 2010

Yesterday and today brought about 2 things I didn’t think would happen. Personal things that don’t need the details shared. Suffice it to say I have thinking to do. And they have left me partially speechless for a few reasons. I don’t want to over-talk and stop things from moving forward, I also need to decide what I want to move forward with and what I want to let go. Relationships, people. That is what I am talking about. I just don’t want to say more than that.
I spent a good amount of time at the gym, working off the build up of adrenaline that came from excitement, confusion, realization. It was a leg day. Leg workouts make me feel damn strong. Literally like I can lift the world and all it’s weight. Squats are fabulous for that. That is a good thing for me, I need to feel like I have the power physically to deal with things.
What I don’t like is leaving the gym feeling like I could have done one more set of each, added another 10lbs to the last set, hit it just a little harder, faster. But, when I step out of the car to get gas on my way home and feel like jelly I know I did a good job and smile. It’s hard to walk on ice with jelly legs.
I also spent most of the morning on the tractor blowing snow off the driveway and side yard to the horses. It was sunny and a balmy 25 degrees out with little wind so it wasn’t so miserable. It is actually pleasant with my earphones in listening to music, logically looking at it as a puzzle; how can I do it the most efficient way possible? The fewest passes, the best direction to blow the snow so I don’t have to move it a second time, or even worse, have to shovel it too. Overall a good day even if my head was filled with thoughts of emotions and decisions.
It was a good food day too. FYI
The kids bought me a hand blender for my birthday (did I already mention that in another post?) and it is fantastic for my gritty, blech protein shake powder. I take it like a shot, gulp that shit down. There is better stuff out there, I know. I will get it after I use all this up.
If the gym were closer I would go again tonight. Good thing tomorrow morning is a session with the trainer.
No, I am not crazy or addicted, I put on half a pound since last Wednesday and dealt with the scale just fine today so I am proud I can go, do the work and see the results. I like hard work. I like hard physical work. I like being a strong woman that can hold her own with men. I like knowing my way around cars, and tools, and chainsaws, and appliances, and generally anything a man knows his way around. But I also like that I am a woman, a sexy, strong, eye catching woman that knows how to laugh and smile.
I also like that I can be morbid & unorthodox in my humor, a bit crass, snort when I laugh, cuss like a sailor, direct in my speech, and somewhat confrontational.
Huh, guess I am not so speechless after all.
No surprise there.

I just saw a picture of a super cute, super short haircut that is so very me.
I will resist.
I think I would freeze to death with a boy-short cut again. I really use my long hair here!
Of course, it’s also a picture of a super cute green cardigan pattern. Go figure, cute hair and a cute sweater.
Eh, I did that hair for YEARS. Moving on.
The sweater is damn cute though…

I love this quilt! Big enough to wrap up and cuddle under, from head to toe and a bit extra, but not too heavy that I have to leave it behind when I move around the house from room to room.
It is satin on one side, the platinum side obviously, and fleece on the other, chartreuse or puke green as Mom calls it, with a warm and natural batting, and a dark brown binding.
I am demanding and asked for an original quilted design, I didn’t want it like any others she has done.
I love it, feminine but spiky, kinda like me.

So here is a project, From Russia with Love, that I NEED to make…and pronto!! I find that shoveling snow in the wind at midnight with a windchill of well below zero kind of sucks.
I will make the face opening a bit smaller, knit it with a tad heavier yarn to match gauge resulting in a tighter fabric, not sure of a color yet. I am thinking cream, nice and versatile and easy to see my head at night poking out of my long black down coat. Although dark gray is really what I want. So maybe both. I could use both, one at home and one at work.
The Rain Drops Dress will only be put on hold until a few necessities are knit, or crocheted, we’ll talk about that in a second.
 

I had to start a new hat for Trevor last night. He has grown so much since last winter that he has NO hats that fit him!! And he spends hours outside playing every single day. I am just doing a simple Single Crochet Beanie with earflaps for him. Covering their ears is so important here with the wind.
I will most likely have to make him another the second I am done just so he has one at hand at all times. And another simple balaclava like the one he already has.

Why don’t pictures ever do it justice??
I shoveled around the entire exterior of the hotel, took me about 40 minutes. By my calculations I burned 170 calories based on my height, weight and age through this website, Fitday.com
But, by the time I was back to where I started there was a new inch. Never ending. But I don’t mind so much, it’s physical.

Edited to add:
I will be back here at 7:30am for a shift tomorrow and will have the pleasure of shoveling again, I am sure. So, I figure it saves me more work to shovel tonight in preparation for tomorrow ;o) Smart lady, thinkin’ ahead.
And another thing, umm…you should switch the snow shovel to you other hand so you get a nice, well rounded, ambidextrous workout. Use all sides, keep your abs tight :o) Love this shit.

I turn 36 later this week and while we are ignoring that wholly, I did decide to treat myself to a gym membership with personal training (if we can get my insurance to cover it under the treatment for my anorexia, possible but not terribly likely). Why personal training? I don’t need to tips, guidance with equipment or the how to’s, I need to be held accountable that I am actually putting on the muscle and weight and not working any more off.
My doctor is working with me too, soon I do believe there will be a nutritionist involved but we’ll see about that. Not sure about losing all control yet.
And my dear little brother, Scott, who is a certified trainer (many, many certifications) runs and owns his own gym, Crossfit Parabellum. He is riding me, keeping me honest, and now has contact with Amber, my personal trainer here. He is a wealth of information about me that I may not openly tell her but she needs to know. Dammit.
So, I will be sore tomorrow. And I will have a week before my next training session to workout how I like while being careful not to break any of my “rules” that have been set for me. No cardio at all. No ab work. No workouts longer than 30 minutes. Did I mention the no cardio part? I don’t like that at all. I like the high with cardio. But I like the high with lifting too so I guess a substitute is okay.
Here’s a funny for you all…if I move wrong my workout pants will fall down.
When I workout at home I just wear leggings or lounge pants. Neither of those will work with weights and equipment really. Although I suppose I could go in leggings, it’s a bit of a scary sight that I am not sure I want to share with strangers :o) My own sister told me not too long ago it wasn’t okay. And Mom isn’t real happy about seeing me in leggings either. Mom suggested this morning before I left for the gym that I go ahead and wear Dad’s suspenders to keep my pants up. What I think I will get are some lightweight basketball shorts or something with elastic waistbands. I did have a friend that said he would walk around behind me holding my pants up, he isn’t here to help out so I guess I must figure this one out on my own.
Or better yet, I can get some muscles on my ass to hold my pants up!! I like that plan!! Now if there were some quick fix for my lack of a need for a sports bra that would be good too. Chest muscles filling out a bra just aren’t terribly attractive ;o)
Eh, it is what it is.
Anyway, chatty without much real information coming out tonight.
I like the gym, new equipment, it’s very clean ;o) and the staff is nice. We’ll see how well they do with bossing me when I don’t want to be bossed but need to be. I hate that I am at a place where I need monitoring but I put myself in this position, I will have to just deal until I am healthy enough for them all to kiss off. I say that with all love and affection for everybody that is helping me get healthy.
Total side note: I am at work posting and as I sit here and type there are 2 boys (guests of the hotel of course) in the kitchen/dining area using the microwave, loud and obnoxious. Every nerve in me is about to snap and send them to their room! As soon as their food is done cooking I may ask them to go back to their room, if their parents don’t like it then they can come out here with them and monitor them. So there.
Or better yet I should call up one of the trucker’s staying here tonight and have them handle it :oD
I am evil. I admit it.

I need a gray and yellow striped shawl.
I need a gray solid shawl too.
And a gray and yellow striped sweater.
Or better yet a gray cardigan with yellow piping and possibly ruffles somewhere.
Hmm…December and January had better be finishing months to get some of my needles unoccupied for use.

Just an update picture of the back, it is about 12" long. Enjoying the yarn, RYC Cashcotton, and the pattern so far.

Page Content updated

I am pretty excited I started this dress but it’s going to be a seriously long haul of a knit.