Author: Chauntel Ensey

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Ahh, Christmas

First let me say, today was an unexpectedly good day.

Calm, after the presents were opened, that is.

The kids didn’t actually force us to be up and about until 7:15, I think that’s a new record for sleeping in on Christmas. I will have to go back and check the records.

Every single gift they opened they ooh’d and awe’d and even bounced and squealed more than once. It was a fantastic feeling after the shit the last year has brought our way. My parents spoiled them, I did my best to spoil them, Tracy spoiled them, my sister Christi  had our family for Christmas this year and they spoiled us, two of my sisters-in-law Roberta and Lydia also sent packages, that pleased us all.

I was so worried coming up to this Christmas, was I going to be a complete mess? Emotional? Angry? Nope, and there are many reasons why I am not.
First and foremost my family. My parents have done so much for us since we have been living with them. What was supposed to be a 3 month stay has turned in to almost 8 months now and it will end up being over a year at least by the time things are straightened out. They help with watching the kids so I can work, they buy food for us even though I tell them NO! They do so much I can’t list it all. It’s been amazing. They are my friends as well as my parents. Religion aside, we are so very much alike in so many ways. It can drive Mom up a wall when Dad and I are alike (happens a lot more often than her & I being alike, I can tell you that) and seem to team up on her. It’s usually for a good cause that we team up on her at least.
Then there are my friends. Even though I left them in California I haven’t left them at all really. This miracle of the internet really has kept us together as a group. I am horrible at keeping in touch once I have moved away, or if a friend moves away. But between facebook, Ravelry, and blogs I am always informed and in touch.

Right now, sitting at work, I am feeling warm inside and that hasn’t happened for a while. I am grateful for the thoughtfulness and love that has come our way this Christmas. I know we are always loved this much but this year it means something different to me to see the joy on my kids faces that comes from the gifts and blessings we’ve been given.

And OMG, you have to see the coat my parents bought me!! I coveted this coat in the store for months, what a sinner I am but it paid off ;o) Pictures to come.

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A tiny bit speechless…you may think that impossible

Yesterday and today brought about 2 things I didn’t think would happen. Personal things that don’t need the details shared. Suffice it to say I have thinking to do. And they have left me partially speechless for a few reasons. I don’t want to over-talk and stop things from moving forward, I also need to decide what I want to move forward with and what I want to let go. Relationships, people. That is what I am talking about. I just don’t want to say more than that.
I spent a good amount of time at the gym, working off the build up of adrenaline that came from excitement, confusion, realization. It was a leg day. Leg workouts make me feel damn strong. Literally like I can lift the world and all it’s weight. Squats are fabulous for that. That is a good thing for me, I need to feel like I have the power physically to deal with things.
What I don’t like is leaving the gym feeling like I could have done one more set of each, added another 10lbs to the last set, hit it just a little harder, faster. But, when I step out of the car to get gas on my way home and feel like jelly I know I did a good job and smile. It’s hard to walk on ice with jelly legs.
I also spent most of the morning on the tractor blowing snow off the driveway and side yard to the horses. It was sunny and a balmy 25 degrees out with little wind so it wasn’t so miserable. It is actually pleasant with my earphones in listening to music, logically looking at it as a puzzle; how can I do it the most efficient way possible? The fewest passes, the best direction to blow the snow so I don’t have to move it a second time, or even worse, have to shovel it too. Overall a good day even if my head was filled with thoughts of emotions and decisions.
It was a good food day too. FYI
The kids bought me a hand blender for my birthday (did I already mention that in another post?) and it is fantastic for my gritty, blech protein shake powder. I take it like a shot, gulp that shit down. There is better stuff out there, I know. I will get it after I use all this up.
If the gym were closer I would go again tonight. Good thing tomorrow morning is a session with the trainer.
No, I am not crazy or addicted, I put on half a pound since last Wednesday and dealt with the scale just fine today so I am proud I can go, do the work and see the results. I like hard work. I like hard physical work. I like being a strong woman that can hold her own with men. I like knowing my way around cars, and tools, and chainsaws, and appliances, and generally anything a man knows his way around. But I also like that I am a woman, a sexy, strong, eye catching woman that knows how to laugh and smile.
I also like that I can be morbid & unorthodox in my humor, a bit crass, snort when I laugh, cuss like a sailor, direct in my speech, and somewhat confrontational.
Huh, guess I am not so speechless after all.
No surprise there.

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Tempted…

I just saw a picture of a super cute, super short haircut that is so very me.
I will resist.
I think I would freeze to death with a boy-short cut again. I really use my long hair here!
Of course, it’s also a picture of a super cute green cardigan pattern. Go figure, cute hair and a cute sweater.
Eh, I did that hair for YEARS. Moving on.
The sweater is damn cute though…