Day: February 7, 2012

I am very pleased with the crib! We still need bedding, bumper, and Josh wants a mobile 😉
Looks like I will be sewing up a storm soon!

Another picture of the quilt Mom made…yummy Minky stripey backing…

Not sure if I have mentioned this but I miss my shoes.
I left all but a dozen or so pair in storage in California. That means there are approx. 85-90 pair of shoes feeling abandoned.
I also miss my yarn, my sweaters, my furniture, my blankets, my kids toys, my toys, my coffee mugs. There is plenty more I miss too.
So sad.

Araucania Sock yarn in gray semi-solid, Louet Gems fingering weight in yellow (you can see I used it for the provisional cast on),  knit on Denise Interchangable size 7 needles.

Done & done. Useful, warm & just a tad kick ass.

… I love my Droid.
I can post anything from anywhere. Like now, I am in the bathtub trying to wind down both physically and emotionally from a shitty few hours.
I overheard a conversation about me that was upsetting. I was raised to be independent. I was also raised to be in a patriarchal marriage and family where you love and respect the man in the family, the head of the household. So to overhear 2 people that love me the most talk about me using terms like, “lived her whole life depending on others” and “this time it’s come around to bite her”, was umm… really crappy.
At the age of 18 I got my EMT license. Then I worked as a firefighter/EMT for a few seasons, going to school, volunteering and working retail in the off season. I decided that wasn’t the career path I wanted to follow so I decided to try for medical school. That is when I met my husband, moved 400 miles away and started our family.
We decided that after I had our 3rd child under 3 years old it didn’t make sense for me to go back to work to pay someone else to raise our kids. It was tough, on me, financially, emotionally, but it was worth it. In the last 5 years I hesitated going back to work even though all the kids were in school. I gave up my career and couldn’t go back to it without schooling and a lot of hard work, too much time. Financially we knew I was going to have to work so last spring I got my full time job with the school district as a substitute Instructional Aide. I loved it. I was good at it, never would have left if we didn’t lose our housing and I ended up in Idaho with no work available.
I don’t want to be here. I think I give off that vibe a little too much for Idahoans. I want a life our own, me and the kids, successful in what I choose.
I think working at a hotel is good experience for very little pay. I am working hard to get on with another company that will give me more hours but benefits as well.
I have been too dependent for too long. That is true. But I also used those years to focus on my family. Not just my kids. Now we are starting a new chapter in life and while I am a little lost I won’t be told I can’t do it.

Seeing the sports therapist has been very good, albeit expensive when I don’t have any money for extras (my entire first paycheck went to him). I have had to accept that healing my body isn’t an extra. I can’t function properly as a Mom or daughter or friend when I am in constant pain. The therapist/chiropractor, Dr. GoodTorture as I have referred to him previously, wishes I would have been further along in the healing process by now. I think the emotional stresses and mourning I am going through have slowed things down. I am doing all my stretches, exercises, therapy, that he wants. I even have started rebuilding small butt muscles again. Better than all bone.
Yesterday he worked me really hard, I am hurting more this morning than I have for well over a week. But pain is part of the healing process, isn’t it?
Pain is part of all healing processes. It is painful to heal emotionally as well.
It is painful to forgive. It is even more painful to forget. It is painful to regret. It is painful to let go.
I am working on things. Physically, emotionally. Not making huge strides but at least I am realistic about my pain and healing, not hiding away from things…I don’t think ;o)

Yarn-Silk Garden Sock
Needles- knitpicks 32" US4
Pattern- my generic magic loop toe up, 56sts with a 6st cable oneach sock

Stuff is happening. Moving right along.
Kids back in school.
George working part time here & there doing home maintenance work. No full time work yet & unemployment is on hold until we do a phone interview in a few weeks.
Crochet & Knit classes listed for fall. I will be working a few nights a week, that helps a tad going in to the holidays.
Christmas knitting is in full swing. (I think it is all knitting this year, no crochet so far on the list, that is odd.)
I am trying to just make it through the tough times, be as thrifty as possible. Thanking the Good Lord for the fortunate times we have had in the past so I have plenty of stash to work from!
To save some money on patterns I have been test knitting for designers and getting the end pattern for free, that is always a plus! And it hones my designing skills as well.
I have been shying away from putting any new designs up. Most of them are sweaters that I designed within the last few years and have never had test knit. Tracy is working on 1 for me but now she is waiting for me to get her a new set of numbers for the collar. Gotta get on that ;o)
Not much photography happening either. My Minolta is still broken, no income to fix it. I use my little point & shoot but it’s just not very inspiring. I may take a day down in SB to just wander with the dog and get some fun pics.
Well, just a few random thoughts for you and now back to knitting.