Category: Blog

I got my hiney worked over again today by Dr. Good-torture and feel pretty damn good about it. I also look exceptionally good today, not sure why but it pleases me.
Sadie, Tyler and I just had a Hot Wheels buying trip and while I didn’t get any for my collection this time I did get a picture of a convertible Firebird parked just down the street that Tyler and I decided was a great trade for the Mercedes. Yellow wouldn’t be my choice of color but since Tyler is a yellow freak I will compromise.
Now we are home, about to have dinner and then an evening of card and dice games with lots of laughter I am sure.

This feeling that has me overwhelmed breaks my heart.
I long for my kids to go back to their normal life, where they feel safe and content. Happy in the minutiae of their day.
I long to be protected, the protection that comes with love and connection. I long to provide that protection for my little ones.
I long to laugh, be truly happy happy, where my chest is bubbling over with giddiness and joy.
I long to live each day with a knowledge that I am where I should be, that I am who I should be, clarity in where I am going.
There isn’t fear involved, just a reality that I am not on solid ground. I don’t fear what is to come, I get to choose our path from the choices put before me. Some choices will appear, some will be of my making.
Longing, sadness, and grief are difficult emotions to allow myself to acknowledge and not feel weak. I should always be stronger than them.
Yet I’m not.
So now I learn to grieve for the things I long for that won’t come to be.
That list feels desperately long at the moment.

I love my boy.
I love his sense of humor, his love of collecting, his quirky way of speaking, his fast-walking, his infinite knowledge of facts about every subject,
that we share an addiction to classic cars and collecting Hot Wheels.

I went to Dr. White, the magical chiropractor with the metal torture tools I love, today and he worked on another part of my glutes. Ouch. Like a lot of ouch. But I trust in a day it will feel 100% better.
He wants me to start doing toning exercises (lol) since there is no ass left back there. I wasn’t blessed with a ghetto booty. I wasn’t blessed with a booty at all, I have to work hard to have an ass and 6 weeks ago I had an ass! Small but still, I was proud.
Now we start from step 1 again. I won’t complain about being thin, what I will complain about is being thin without muscle. I started losing muscle and got smaller. Not good. So now I need to focus on rebuilding muscle slowly and carefully since the damaged muscles and nerves are what hold my torso and legs together. Kind of hard to exercise without overusing those muscles.
I will trust Dr. White since he is the professional.
And reconfigure my diet to account for muscle building and nervous system repair. Should be fun! Not. I still hate food. Mostly the planning and preparing of food. Oh well, I will learn a lot in the process I am sure.
Our bodies are pretty amazing. I am all twisted and crooked but with the right application of pressure, deep pressure, on specific spots I am slowly straightening out. And stretching, exercises all help. I am so grateful that my body can be healed. There are a lot of people that can’t be and they live in chronic pain. My heart goes out to them, the strength of character it takes to live in pain and not be an asshole is amazing. I am not the kindest person when I have been in pain for so long. Sorry if you have had to deal with me in the last 6 weeks 😉

I am blessed with 3 amazing kids. Right now they keep me going when otherwise I may be a useless, emotional basketcase. They are hilarious, unique individuals that keep me entertained at all times. Sometimes they are a little too, umm… goofy, giddy, just plain crazy. But I can’t tell you how happy I am that I have smart, creative, happy, well adjusted, funny, brilliant children.

Cabley mitts sneak peek

Ok, time to fess up. You all know how much I hate going to the doctor. I went to my Mom and sister Stacy’s DO (Doctor of Osteopathy) about a month ago, he tried to adjust me and recommended heat, stretching, and anti-inflammatories. So I have been doing that with no success. Last week Mom called and got me a referral to a sports medicine chiropractor.
I have known since July I am battling Piriformus Syndrome (sciatic nerve runs through the piriformus muscle instead of next to it). I guess I wasn’t stretching enough and bucking up and hauling away logs was too much for the muscle.
I went to the chiropractor, with much hesitation let me add, and the first visit impressed me. His goal is to fix me permanently so I don’t ever have to go back. Today I went for the third time and we had to decide whether to go one of three ways; do what we’ve done and see slow progression (umm, patience is not a strong suit of mine), back off and do x-rays to see if there is any disc deterioration in my spine (we both don’t think there is), or go more aggressive with the muscles and see if we can’t see drastic improvement. You know me, I chose the drastic measures
🙂
So today he used the Graston Technique, metal tools to manipulate the muscle fibers and fascia instead of just his hands. I am laying here with ice on so I won’t bruise or hurt too much. He did crack a wise-ass joke about how he can bruise me a lot because noone will be seeing my bum anytime soon. LOL
I got a good laugh out of that. Although, sadly, he was right.
So, my spine is being pulled by the muscles in my butt and hip not because it is out. Good to know, since I have had no pain in my back that is what I thought. As soon as the muscles release my spine will staighten (which it has already started to do) and I can exercise again!! Yay!!
My brother, who owns and runs his own Crossfit gym, has told me to do modified workouts now but all I have been able to do without aggrivating the piriformus or all the glutes are pullups, pushups against a countertop and sometimes some yoga.
All that hard work of getting in shape, working out daily for 5 months, building muscle and stamina is now gone. Dammit.
And no, I have no appetite.
I am feeling positive, after my torture session today, that soon I will be back to getting my ass kicked daily by Zuzanna.
Until then ice, heat, stretching and being tortured with metal tools will be my agenda.

I got a part time (very, very part time) job at a hotel as a front desk clerk.
Right now I have to finish the training hours and then I will be put on shifts when they become available. I am not kidding when I say very part time, possibly 16 hours a week. And at 35 years old it is the first time in my life I am working for minimum wage.
I may be on the schedule for shifts in a few weeks. I like the people that I will work with, the job is straight forward and simple. Possibly knitting time when it is slow.
So there you have it.
One more thing to go on my resume!

Another test knit for Stephen West.
Patons SWS yarn