Category: Blog

… I love my Droid.
I can post anything from anywhere. Like now, I am in the bathtub trying to wind down both physically and emotionally from a shitty few hours.
I overheard a conversation about me that was upsetting. I was raised to be independent. I was also raised to be in a patriarchal marriage and family where you love and respect the man in the family, the head of the household. So to overhear 2 people that love me the most talk about me using terms like, “lived her whole life depending on others” and “this time it’s come around to bite her”, was umm… really crappy.
At the age of 18 I got my EMT license. Then I worked as a firefighter/EMT for a few seasons, going to school, volunteering and working retail in the off season. I decided that wasn’t the career path I wanted to follow so I decided to try for medical school. That is when I met my husband, moved 400 miles away and started our family.
We decided that after I had our 3rd child under 3 years old it didn’t make sense for me to go back to work to pay someone else to raise our kids. It was tough, on me, financially, emotionally, but it was worth it. In the last 5 years I hesitated going back to work even though all the kids were in school. I gave up my career and couldn’t go back to it without schooling and a lot of hard work, too much time. Financially we knew I was going to have to work so last spring I got my full time job with the school district as a substitute Instructional Aide. I loved it. I was good at it, never would have left if we didn’t lose our housing and I ended up in Idaho with no work available.
I don’t want to be here. I think I give off that vibe a little too much for Idahoans. I want a life our own, me and the kids, successful in what I choose.
I think working at a hotel is good experience for very little pay. I am working hard to get on with another company that will give me more hours but benefits as well.
I have been too dependent for too long. That is true. But I also used those years to focus on my family. Not just my kids. Now we are starting a new chapter in life and while I am a little lost I won’t be told I can’t do it.

Seeing the sports therapist has been very good, albeit expensive when I don’t have any money for extras (my entire first paycheck went to him). I have had to accept that healing my body isn’t an extra. I can’t function properly as a Mom or daughter or friend when I am in constant pain. The therapist/chiropractor, Dr. GoodTorture as I have referred to him previously, wishes I would have been further along in the healing process by now. I think the emotional stresses and mourning I am going through have slowed things down. I am doing all my stretches, exercises, therapy, that he wants. I even have started rebuilding small butt muscles again. Better than all bone.
Yesterday he worked me really hard, I am hurting more this morning than I have for well over a week. But pain is part of the healing process, isn’t it?
Pain is part of all healing processes. It is painful to heal emotionally as well.
It is painful to forgive. It is even more painful to forget. It is painful to regret. It is painful to let go.
I am working on things. Physically, emotionally. Not making huge strides but at least I am realistic about my pain and healing, not hiding away from things…I don’t think ;o)

Magic Erasers repair scratches on dvd’s, video games, cd’s, etc. Lightly wipe the wet Magic Eraser in a straight line from the center of the disc to the outer edge. Then wipe any water off with a lint free cloth.
Our Finding Nemo dvd hasn’t played without skipping or freezing for years. I tried the Magic Eraser yesterday thinking well, it can’t hurt it. We just watched it skip free! Our dvd collection may be saved!
Umm… if anyone knows of a good reason not to do this leave a comment soon so I don’t wreck all our discs 😉

For a lot of years, I mean a lot, I avoided music. I didn’t lose interest, I avoided it purposefully.
I get sucked in, addicted, I fall in love with it. Maybe I was too immersed in it at a young age when my brain was like a sponge, forming permanent connections.
I fell asleep with music from before I can remember until I got married. Unfortunately my tastes for music to fall asleep to and my husbands taste were nowhere close. So I dropped it.
If I wanted to go to a show the first couple years it was never what my husband liked so I didn’t go. Eventually I dropped music since it was a point of contention. I found a few bands we could compromise on but again, I immersed myself in them. Going to every show within 2 hours of us, buying every version of every album, knowing their full history and sadly even a few birthdays lol
Yah, no surprise my obsession was noticed and wasn’t loved. So for the last 4 years until this last spring I avoided music again. Spring came, changes were made, I got to choose my passions once again. Understand I was never really told I couldn’t have my music, my shows. It was an unsaid understanding. Not worth the arguments. No, I didn’t want to run off with the first punk boy I met at a show. Gosh! (Channeled Napoleon Dynamite for a second, sorry)
Tracy has witnessed my obsession first hand and can attest to my love for shows. She may actually think I go a bit insane 🙂 Very unlike me. But actually it is more the true me than I have shown for the majority of the last 17 years or so.
Good God getting older sucks. I realize that I am not old yet, I just can’t help feeling I missed some good years.
All this because I came into bed 4 hours ago, put my headphones on and was instantly wired.
There are a few things I am going to have more of; concerts, loud music dancing around the house with my kids, streetbikes (don’t laugh, after I gain weight and I am kick ass strong again I am going to learn to ride without a man to hold onto. Mmmm…. I love riding behind a man though). My brother got a new bike and I was instantly jealous.
Frick, now I am really awake.
Oh well, more personal crap that could have all stayed in my head except that I know it’s loved by all that stop by 😉
oh! I broke a filling/tooth while camping. Damn s’mores. Payback for eating shit I shouldn’t eat. More bills, yay. Sure wish that full time job with benefits would hurry up and call… there are prospects!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=cH9Yac_VRTY

So I am making her knee highs out of some funky sock yarn Cori sent me this summer.

We had a great 3 days camping. It is the first time my kids have camped in a motorhome and not roughing it in a tent.
Super beautiful weather, and beautiful scenery. We played a ton of games, went on scavenger hunts, sent the kids on scavenger hunts for a bit of quiet, and generally just enjoyed being together.

We had a nice daytrip to the Johnny Sack Cabin and Big Springs. I the cabin itself is all locked up tight for the season but it was a beautiful day to walk around the springs, peek through windows and enjoy the day.
There are huge rainbow trout (probably average size of 18-24") up near the springs and you can stand on the bridge over the Henry’s Fork of the Snake River and just watch them laze about in the shaded areas of water.
Tons of ducks and even a muscrat came swimming by to steal some of the bread crumbs people were tossing to the fish and ducks.
Fun little family trip, now I must go find information on Johnny Sack and his cabin in the woods.