Author: Chauntel Ensey

…there’s this rumor out there of my potty mouth. I will now validate that rumor.
Right now I am ready to just be done with the shit that keeps getting in my way of being happy. Yes, I fully understand that happiness is a choice. Bullshit is what I feel about that at the moment. Other people’s choices and decisions can and do have an affect on my happiness.
I have been described in the past as cold, disconnected, anti-social (ha!), a pessimist, a grump, an ogre (that one makes me smile), and just plain scary.
AHEM, bullshit.
I will admit to being selfish at times, opinionated, blunt, direct, decisive, motivated, stubborn, and a little too logical.
I take people at their word. I have common sense, I am not naive or gullible per say. But unfortunately during the recent past I have let my guard down and now I am fucking paying for it.
I do not like being led by emotion. I do not like opening myself up for someone else to lead my feelings. My friendships I keep close and tight. Acquaintances get the happy, fearless, leader Chauntel. There are very, very few people that see me for who I really am, love and respect me for it, let me flourish into my amazing self in their presence 😉
Oh, did I mention I am confident? I am, always have been, always will be other than the slight questioning/doubting phase I am going through.
I will come out stronger, deeper in my convictions, even more driven to succeed and get what I need to be the best Mom I can be, the best example I can be to my kids so that they can do whatever it is that they are driven to do.
At this very moment I am devastated about a future that seemingly will not be. I am sad. I am ripped open and emotionally raw. Angry. Really in the mood to physically wear myself out, run until I can’t possibly go further, burpees, pushups, pullups, squats, all until I puke. Sounds perfect but I am fucking crooked still.
And the picture shows why I can’t do any of those things.
And I don’t need to hear shit about how thin I am. I know, I am not stupid.
What else can I yell about… oh yah, how about the fact that we are still in Idaho? Love my parents and sisters family but really, Idaho just isn’t for us. The kids are unhappy at school and my kids have never complained about going to school. Cultural differences between rural Idaho and suburban California are incredible. Almost too much to comprehend. It reminds me of Footloose constantly. Love 80’s movies.
Oh and did I mention I have been pulled over more here in 4 months than the last 7 years in Santa Barbara? Shitty. California plates on the only Mercedes hasn’t been a good thing for me. I need a big ass truck with a shotgun in the back window with a Buck Ofama sticker on the tailgate. That outta do it.
Wow.
Complainer.
I may go Shining crazy this winter, people, watch out.

Pattern my own design using a Daisy stitch pattern over 4sts+1

So! Here we are for a while. We have been here in Saint Anthony, Idaho at my parents for 4 months. The kids started school a week ago at South Fremont Junior High and Henry’s Fork Elementary. Tyler and Sadie are at the JH together and Trevor is at the elementary school right next door.
The first week of school was a big adjustment. We have to get up half an hour earlier than we did in CA. They ride the bus to and from school. They had only been on buses on field trips so that is a big change. Makes me feel lazy not taking them to and from, talking to their teachers and friends daily. I may just start taking them to assuage my guilt.
I haven’t been knitting, or crocheting, or doing anything crafty. My niece Alyx (daughter of my well known yarny sister Coribug) got married a few weeks ago and it took up a lot of our time.
My back has been out for 3 weeks. I am crooked again, spine all wonky. I can’t workout, can’t ride Molly, can’t ride a bike, can’t sit for too long, can’t lay for too long, can’t walk for too long. Stupid. I can read and knit/crochet. So I started some socks, made a hat for Tyler, started a hat for Mom, ripped out said socks, started a different pair of socks.
Since I left all of our winter accessories and all of my sweaters in storage in Santa Barbara (not expecting to stay this long) I am going to have to get busy with what yarn I have here (not nearly enough).
I went to a knit group about a month ago for a test run and found that they just weren’t going to work for me. Book club and knit group combined with a lot more emphasis on the book club aspect of the group. I have met a gal through Ravelry that also tried that group and felt the same way I did so we are trying to get together to have our own little group. If the one place in our area that stays open until 10pm will allow, I will print out some flyers for a weekly knit group and post them around town. There has to be some cool chicks with sticks in these here parts!
Let’s see, what else…
Did I mention my ass is stuck in Idaho?
Yah, it is.
For now.
I do my damndest not to call my parents house “home”. It is their home, not ours. We are only visiting. Not sure where we will land or when we will land there but we aren’t settling in here for the long haul.
I am just throwing in some pictures from the end of summer. Enjoy and hopefully I will get better at posting, don’t hold your breath…

Nashua Wooly Stripes Yarn, 1.33 balls from Cori
My Single Crochet Beanie pattern
Size I hook

IMG_7071.JPG

Originally uploaded by coribug

Obviously I find my sister Stacy really funny.
We were at my niece Alyx’s wedding this last Tuesday and had a fabulous time. More to come.