Day: September 13, 2011

I am joining my fabulous sister Cori in an Ishbel Shawl by Ysolda Teague knitalong… of course I am starting late. I will use beautiful Alina Shea Creations Autumn Blaze  yarn in A Mother’s Pride colorway,  perfect for fall.

Just an update picture of the back, it is about 12" long. Enjoying the yarn, RYC Cashcotton, and the pattern so far.

I like me.

I have been reflecting on how I have changed my views on certain things the last 6 months or so. Over the last 2 years changes in our church brought both my husband and I to question our role in the church body. With our pastor leaving and a lack of leadership we felt we needed to look outside our church for counsel. I felt led to a decision that has put me and my kids where we are now, on the path to a new life.
Where does that leave me spiritually?
I do not believe that divorce is unacceptable. For 15 years I prayed and begged and pleaded with God to work in me to be the wife my husband needed. I gave up my career, raised our 3 kids and enjoyed almost every minute of it. I longed for a connection that just wasn’t there. So did my husband. It went both ways, we worked at it continually. Striving to be a model Christian couple and family. I have never felt that God wasn’t in our marriage, I feel strongly He was there to guide us through those times when we thought we couldn’t go on.
So what now? Do we both agree so strongly about the divorce and God disapproves? I know that the church disapproves, that has been made clear. I do not feel anyone outside looking in can judge a marriage, a divorce, or a new commitment.
My faith and my convictions have altered a bit. I still believe I am His. I still believe I am full of sin and need saving. I am not sure how the modern church truly fits in with those things anymore.
There are a lot of sayings, quotes, scripture, songs, hymns that all can express how I feel but I want it to be my own words, my questions, my thoughts that I convey.
Living in a place where over 90% of the population is LDS (Mormon) has had an interesting affect on me. I was raised LDS but left the church at a young age due to conflicting beliefs. I am right 🙂 I don’t judge, I let them believe what they feel led to believe. Arguing gets nowhere I have found. Let them think I am the brainwashed, unintelligent, questioning Christian without all the answers. That suits me just fine. What living around such a huge organization has made me realize is that no matter what religion you call yourself, every church has flaws, usually the same flaws. The flaws of the fallen people that lead. Nobody can argue that, and if you do argue with it you need to learn to question authority in a respectful manner to bring to light that we are all sinners, none of us perfect. Perfection is impossible.
I loved our church. I love the people, friends I have seemingly lost. I do not, and never will, doubt their concerns for our family. But I have had to step away. I don’t know when I will be ready to tackle a new congregation. Fellowship has always been important to me, yet for some reason I don’t miss it.
My kids have questioned my lack of spiritual prowess the last few months. I have been as honest as I need to be with them, we’ll always live with God in our lives it is just on different levels at different stages in life. I encourage them to act on what feels natural to them. Question, reach for answers that they need. Sometimes we think we can only get those answers at church over the pulpit but God has given us the decisive ability to learn through the Holy Spirit, life experiences, other people, and His Word. Not a lot of interpretation, just as it is written, and we are led to believe.
I think we live in a life where it isn’t and cannot always be clear.
I am in a place where I don’t doubt my salvation, I doubt what is next in this life. I can deal with anything, I may whine or cry a bit sometimes but I put my big girl panties on and move forward.
I will not be in my parent’s house with my kids forever. I have goals, I just have to move forward cautiously. Patience has never been a strong suit of mine. I have a tendency to push others on my timeline and then things blown up in my face.
I may be a bit of a spiritual rebel at the moment but I feel there is a new middle ground I will find that truly works in application in life. Call me crazy.

Finally we were approved! The house is just around the corner from where we are now, .01miles away. Corner lot 4bd, 2bath, enclosed backyard with an apricot & orange tree, full 2 car garage, carport, 1 block closer to the school, overall just a great upgrade for us!

I know, I know. I have been bad. I could use the excuse that Ravelry has sucked all my time from updating my blog but that isn’t exactly true.  I have sat here a number of times staring blankly at the screen trying to come up with something else to do online and blogging wasn’t on my mind I guess!

I had been working on a few different things. I finished mom’s Blush socks for Mother’s Day as well as a pair of Jaywalkers for her.  She loved them! After they were finished I had a bit of that lost feeling about what to work on next. I grabbed the BSJ for my class I am teaching at Knit & Pearl. Got through most of it and got bored.
Tracy gave me the inspiration for a new project and I finally couldn’t resist casting on.

It’s the Julia sweater from RYC Classic Summer Book Eleven. I am using Rowan RYC Cashcotton 4ply in Cyclamen (pink).

The yarn is amazing to work with; smooth, soft, doesn’t split or catch on the needles or my rough forefinger.  The pattern works up rather quickly as well.  Of course, it’s a Rowan pattern so it’s well written with just enough details so you’re not left questioning anything.

I have the back finished and about 1/3 of the front done.  My goal is to be done with it by the start of the Goddess Knits Anniversary Shawl Knit-along on June 14th (found here as a yahoo group, signups close soon).

I am not sure what yarn I want to use for the Anniversary shawl.  I need 1250 yards.  I have a number of laceweight yarns in my stash with enough yardage.  I just have to decide what color I want, if I want it silky or woolly and how lightweight I want the finished fabric to be.  I seriously am confounded when I try to decide.

Other than that there isn’t much else going on around here. The usual end of school craziness, kids being kids, etc. I have been doing a lot of micro organizing; catch-all drawers & boxes that end up with a mixture of tools, office supplies, paper goods, knitting and sewing accessories.  Closets are next.  I love cleaning out, throwing away what can’t be passed on to goodwill.  Ah, springtime is so freeing!

We (Tracy, Suzanne, Liz and I) had a little field trip today over to Loop & Leaf in downtown SB. I hadn’t been in the store in a couple of months (and they have only been open for over 4 months) so I thought it would be fun to take my friend Liz down there. She’s a relatively new knitter and really finding it enjoyable. We are just immersing her in the knit culture right now & she’s loving it!

For the Laminaria shawl in the Spring Knitty I bought 2 hanks of Fleece Artist Mini Maiden in Cedar.

The pattern calls for Fleece Artist Suri Blue but she didn’t have any so this is a great substitute! My plan is to get this started, get comfortable with the pattern over the next week and take it on our drive to Idaho. We’ll be there for a week, then the drive home. I figure I can get at least 12 hours of good knitting time in on the drive to & from. There are 3 drivers, George, Tracy and I, so it will be a good, even amount of drive time between us.

I also decided it was time to try the Jamieson’s DK so I bought 2 balls; 1 Leprechaun (so appropo for the season) and 1 Rye. I plan on making a 2 colored hat of some sort. I will have to check my ravelry faves to see what’s in there.

She also had Frog Tree yarns and the sport weight pima cotton is so soft and yummy I had to get a ball for my nephew that’s on the way. A cute zeebee is in order with this yarn.

It’s a great boy color and with him being a spring baby the cotton will be good for him through the chilly but not too cold evenings up in NorCal.

As soon as Julie at Knit & Pearl gets the red Silky Wool in that I am dying to have, I will have enough new yarn to keep me busy for a few years.

😉