Category: Blog

Mom loves my newly finished, washed and now blocking, Shalom cardigan. So today at the craft store she bought yarn and buttons for me to make her her own!

Uh-huh. They are awesome.

I love yellow. I love buying buttons, I love digging through bins of buttons. These are my take this morning. I went in looking for enough for my Shalom cardigan and came out with plenty to use on either another sweater or to embellish the Shalom.

I am very tempted to go all out and spill my guts here. Possibly another place to be held accountable. Then I remember the poor knitters that come here for free patterns and not the shit in my personal life lol
Really, how much would it suck to click a link to a free hat pattern and land smack in the middle of a divorce, anorexia, lovesick, heart broken, crazy 35 year old going off about how much life blows?
LOL Put that way it’s kinda comical in my dark little world.
Anyway, I will hold off on the full monty, or possibly give it it’s own page.

Today is a day that I just want to go off. Unload, explode, stand in the corner and scream, curled up in a ball and disappear.
And then tomorrow will come and I will be strong and alone again. I want my thick armor back up that I carried so proudly for so many years.

A hat for a friend that is helping me through a difficult time 😉
Nashua yarn
Size 8 needles
My own pattern that will be available eventually.

My friend Suzanne has gone through an amazing transformation in the last year. Losing 70+ pounds, working her ass off, literally.
She has also gone through an amazing mental/emotional transformation. Her thoughts and inspirations have been a gift to me, helping me see that with obesity there are a lot of the same issues as with anorexia. Here are a few things she said recently that I feel especially connected to.

I am also a little saddened by it, and angry at myself, for having indulged in such a self-destructive way of life for so long – for treating myself so poorly, and putting my happiness and health so low on the list.
I feel really lucky, to have all the support and encouragement that I do. I feel privileged. I feel guilty sometimes too, because far too often, I still feel undeserving of the things that I want for myself.

I am so happy to see Suzanne shine! She knows, I hope that through the years I told her often enough, that I have always found her beautiful, inside and out. Smart, funny, compassionate, kind, so very attentive to others feelings, a wonderful friend…I doubt I have been as good of a friend to her as she has been to me.
I am very blessed to have you as a friend my beautiful Suzanne!