Inspirational

I realized tonight that I haven’t been, done or said anything inspirational for quite a while. That is sad. I guess I am not hunting down inspiration at the moment so there isn’t much to share.
I will say this, every time I look at any of my kids it is like a shot to the heart that I am it for them right now. I am not worthy of the task of raising them, teaching them, preparing them for a better future than what we have right now.
I have to make this work, I have to show them that through adversity there is strength. That even though plans fail sometimes, you step up and keep going.
I was given these 3 unique children for a reason, I am blessed daily with their love and acceptance even when I am far, far from a perfect Mom.
I remember once when Tyler was about 5 I was having a hard day, in a lot of pain with my back and a sinus infection and I had had enough. I sat in my chair and started to cry. Poor kid, being autistic and not being able to read and interpret other’s emotions, or properly use the words “me” and “you”, he just stood in front of me and said in a confused voice, “Momma, my eyes leaking.”

I explained I was crying but it was okay to cry sometimes. He didn’t believe me and made sure to inform every family member individually throughout the day and evening that my eyes leak.
Funny, today when I was crying he asked Grandpa, “Why is Mom sad? Who hurt her?” Grandpa made an excuse for me that I was crying from being in physical pain, nobody hurt me. Partially true, enough to appease Tyler’s worry over my eyes leaking. I don’t let them see me cry unless it can’t be avoided. Lately tears well up much more often than I would like although it doesn’t actually lead to crying.
I have always taken inspiration from my kids individual, unique personalities. Sadie can make any situation turn funny, lighten the mood in a room with just a small laugh, although her laugh is rarely small. Her giddiness keeps her grounded somehow and tempers the reality of our situation so she can deal with things on her terms. Tyler may not comprehend social settings and situations well but he certainly has learned how to use charm to work his way into the situation well. A wink, a smile, a snap of his fingers and a flip of his hair does the trick. Trevor, ah my little overactive chatterbox that lives in a world of make believe. His imagination and creativity are limitless. It may be hard to keep him down here on earth with us but sometimes I would rather have the choice of escaping with him to his universe.
I am inspired by my kids. They are a gift to me. Amazingly, I get credit I don’t deserve when it comes to their shining personalities that make them a gift to the world as well.

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